When life becomes the unexpected…

Planning. By nature that is what I do. In fact, I have a Plan A, Plan B, Plan C and probably a Plan D for everything I’m doing. Innately, I have always been a planner.

Truthfully, I have probably fallen victim to over planning for most of my life. In 2017, I was at a point in my life where I had accomplished most of my goals to date, but even with that success, I was left feeling miserable. In that moment, I realized I wouldn’t find true joy until I let God have control of my plans. I quickly realized releasing control would be one of the greatest challenges I face in my life.

In that season I adopted Proverbs 16:3, “Commit your works to the Lord, and your plans will succeed,” as my life verse.

I knew I needed a mindset shift. As I leaned into this new way of thinking, I went from making my plans fit into what I thought was God’s purpose for my life, to having Gods purpose for my life shape my plan.

Over the last few years, Paige and I have used this verse as the guiding compass as we navigate through life. With this mindset as our modus operandi it has been easy to see God’s goodness and favor all over our life, marriage, family, occupations, and calling. To be honest, so far God’s plan hasn’t been far off from what our plans would have been on our own.

Until recently.

We know that God is not a god of chaos, but a God of order.

“For God is not a God of confusion and disorder but of peace and order..” -1 Corinthians 14:33 (AMP)

God designed us to be organized, systematic, and planners. We know from scripture that God himself enjoys planning.

But this is where the challenge to our faith comes in. How do we move forward when God’s plan doesn’t look like what we had expected it to? Since Paige was admitted to the hospital and Harrison passed, this has been my daily struggle.

It’s easy to trust and believe in God’s plan for our lives when things are going well and seem to be going according to our plan; it becomes hard to trust God’s plan when the reality we’re in is not the reality we would have chosen for ourselves.

Each day Paige and I grapple with the fact that we are living in a reality we didn’t even know was possible. Some mornings it feels like we did something wrong, made a mistake, or just misheard God altogether.

We have to remind ourselves those thoughts are simply the lies of the enemy, and we must trust in Gods word. It was Jesus who said, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me.” (John 14:1)

Even though we have sorrow, because where we are isn’t where we thought we would be; we choose to stay committed to what God has called us to. We choose to find purpose in our pain. We choose each morning to have joy.

Regardless of where you find yourself, if your current circumstance feels as if it doesn’t line up and fit in to what you had planned, do not forget that God is still in your midst. God is orchestrating his plans to redeem the hurt, the pain, the loss, the devastation. Have faith that regardless of where you are, God is still redeeming stories.

“So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. -John 16:22 (NIV)

Welcome Back

Welcome to 2021.

It’s nearly been twelve months to the day since I last wrote and published a blog. To be honest, it’s been too long.

Over the last twelve months our world has changed around us. The effects of the global pandemic will ripple through our culture for years to come. The effects of racial injustices will continue to hinder equality for all citizens in our nation. The effects of a polarizing election will stifle unity in our public discourse. The effects of natural disasters will ravage our communities. The truth is the effects and aftermath of 2020 will change us forever.

But is that not the case of every year?

Every year we experience changes around us that effect our perception of the world and life; due to the nature of 2020 those instances were heightened.

The last twelve months were no different for me and my family. We had to navigate through pandemics, unrest, loss, and natural disasters while still figuring out married life; throw in the wrench of a complicated pregnancy with a two plus month hospital stay to make 2020 a doozy of a year.

Even with all that we experienced- the ups and the downs, Paige and I had our best year yet. Regardless of the challenge that we faced, we were able to hold onto the promises of God’s faithfulness.

Over the next few weeks I want to share some of the incredible moments that point to those promises of God’s faithfulness. But, I also want to share some of the bleak moments that have made us question, “why God?” We know that God’s hand is in the midst of these moments, but we simply don’t have all the answers yet.

I hope you will join me as I share some truths we discovered over the last twelve months. But more importantly, I hope that you will see the evidence of God’s faithfulness. Whether you read another blog or not, my hope is that it will spark your reliance on God alone.

Patience or Frustration?

Last week I put myself out there in a way I never had before.

Throughout the years, I have constantly heard that I was a “leader.” However, as I reflected on the numerous mistakes, some small and some extremely detrimental, I’ve made along the way, I began to doubt that. In the process of working through this time of self-reflection, I reached out to ten individuals that I interact with on a regular basis for insight. My ten individuals consisted of family members, co-workers, those I lead, colleagues, and friends. I asked each of them to be as brutally honest as possible and to answer two simple questions; what are my top three strengths and my top three areas for growth. While this seems like a very simple exercise, it revealed a lot about how others see me and my ability to lead.

As someone who typically assumes a position of leadership, the strengths they listed didn’t surprise me. What did surprise me was the most common response for growth; patience.

Out of the ten respondents, eight of them included patience in some form, specifically for my future. If eighty percent of people that I interact with on a regular basis believe that I need to grow in the area of patience, there must be some truth to it. It made me think long and hard about it.

After a few days of reflection, it finally hit me that they were only partially right. While I will admit that I have historically been very impatient, especially when trying to accomplish goals for my future, I know I am in a process of transformation.

However, if I looked back over the last decade of my life and used that metric as they did, I would agree with all of them. I do need to be patient for my future. The path of self-destruction I was on to achieve my lofty goals only caused me frustration. But the bigger question I asked was, why? Why has this path caused me such frustration? Even with success, I still experienced frustration.

The answer was simple. I was striving to achieve goals that weren’t meant for me. Don’t hear me wrong, my goals weren’t bad goals, but they weren’t the ones I was called to.

My experience reminds me of the story of Jonah. Jonah knew that God was calling him to fulfill a certain purpose, to “proclaim judgement” against the city of Nineveh. But Jonah had plans of his own and “ran from the presence of the Lord” to a different city. While on his journey he caused a little trouble and found himself inside the belly of a large fish; I can guarantee you that he was frustrated for those three days and nights. Eventually, even in his disobedience, Jonah found himself on the path to fulfill his calling.

While the journey looks different for all of us, I am thankful that we serve a God that can use us for our calling, regardless of when we submit.

Although I’ve had my own experience with disobedience, I finally find myself committing only to pursue what I have been called to. For the first time in my adult life, I do not feel a burden associated with achieving my goals. My sense of peace affirms that I am beginning to walk where God has called me.

The level of freedom and pure joy that I have experienced by returning to the path of my true calling is indescribable. While I would not trade the lessons that I have learned over the last fifteen years, part of me can only imagine where I might be if I didn’t run from my calling.

I don’t know where you currently find yourself, but if you are experiencing frustration in life, maybe you’re chasing the wrong goals. I encourage you to take a look at what you’re trying to accomplish.