Last week I put myself out there in a way I never had before. 

Throughout the years, I have constantly heard that I was a “leader.” However, as I reflected on the numerous mistakes, some small and some extremely detrimental, I’ve made along the way, I began to doubt that. In the process of working through this time of self-reflection, I reached out to ten individuals that I interact with on a regular basis for insight. My ten individuals consisted of  family members, co-workers, those I lead, colleagues, and friends. I asked each of them to be as brutally honest as possible and to answer two simple questions; what are my top three strengths and my top three areas for growth. While this seems like a very simple exercise, it revealed a lot about how others see me and my ability to lead.

As someone who typically assumes a position of leadership, the strengths they listed didn’t surprise me. What did surprise me was the most common response for growth; patience.

Out of the ten respondents, eight of them included patience in some form, specifically for my future. If eighty percent of people that I interact with on a regular basis believe that I need to grow in the area of patience, there must be some truth to it. It made me think long and hard about it. 

After a few days of reflection, it finally hit me that they were only partially right. While I will admit that I have historically been very impatient, especially when trying to accomplish goals for my future, I know I am in a process of transformation.

However, if I looked back over the last decade of my life and used that metric as they did, I would agree with all of them. I do need to be patient for my future. The path of self-destruction I was on to achieve my lofty goals only caused me frustration. But the bigger question I asked was, why? Why has this path caused me such frustration? Even with success, I still experienced frustration.

The answer was simple. I was striving to achieve goals that weren’t meant for me. Don’t hear me wrong, my goals weren’t bad goals, but they weren’t the ones I was called to.

My experience reminds me of the story of Jonah. Jonah knew that God was calling him to fulfill a certain purpose, to “proclaim judgement” against the city of Nineveh. But Jonah had plans of his own and “ran from the presence of the Lord” to a different city. While on his journey he caused a little trouble and found himself inside the belly of a large fish; I can guarantee you that he was frustrated for those three days and nights. Eventually, even in his disobedience, Jonah found himself on the path to fulfill his calling.

While the journey looks different for all of us, I am thankful that we serve a God that can use us for our calling, regardless of when we submit. 

Although I’ve had my own experience with disobedience, I finally find myself committing only to pursue what I have been called to. For the first time in my adult life, I do not feel a burden associated with achieving my goals. My sense of peace affirms that I am beginning to walk where God has called me. 

The level of freedom and pure joy that I have experienced by returning to the path of my true calling is indescribable. While I would not trade the lessons that I have learned over the last fifteen years, part of me can only imagine where I might be if I didn’t run from my calling.

I don’t know where you currently find yourself, but if you are experiencing frustration in life, maybe you’re chasing the wrong goals. I encourage you to take a look at what you’re trying to accomplish.